So going for a bike ride today didn’t pan out as well as I had hoped.
Since I’ve gotten back from college, I’ve been trying to get back into shape. While I was away at college, I kind of sort of definitely put working out and my general health on the back burner, resulting in a significant decrease in muscle mass and confidence in my physical abilities. So I said no more! In shape I shall become!
No worries, I’m still completely incapable of that feat. And probably will be for some time.
But even though I have goals to complete a marathon at some point in my life (and may consider training for a half-marathon soon…) I’ve been enjoying biking because there’s significantly less impact on my joints and feet. I have weird feet that like to seize up a mile into running. Could be considered an obstacle to marathon running.
But back to biking. I had finally finished up my work for my internship for the day, and figured that leaving the apartment would be good for my sanity. Even though it was cloudy outside, I figured that since it had rained earlier, I was in the clear.
I was wrong.
The first part was great. Lots of hills in Northwest DC, but it was a good strain since it was early on. I had learned from an earlier bike ride to get the big hills out of the way earlier, and it was especially good that I did today.
The downpour started when I turned onto 36th Street. I stopped under a tree for a while, hoping that the rain would abate and I wouldn’t have to sacrifice my cell phone to the waters. Not that I really needed to worry. My phone’s pretty cruddy as it is; I have one of those starter LG phones that has the capability to text, call, and take pictures. That’s about it. I’m happy for it in these moments, where I don’t feel like I would lose anything particularly important if it fell out of my pocket, into a puddle, and flowed into the Potomac.
I stayed under that tree for a while today, watching the rain pour down around me as I sat on my bike, leaning against the curb. It was peaceful, and a pleasant relief from staring at a computer screen. Standing there, feeling the rain slide down the leaves and fall on me, I felt more alive that I’ve been letting myself lately. It’s too easy to set your sights to an upcoming event, willing the days in between to melt away until you can get to what you truly want. It’s a sad way to live, honestly. I’m ashamed of myself for doing it.
I think the problem I’m having right now is that I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, so I don’t really know where to push forward my efforts. I’m not feeling particularly passionate about anything, except for writing, but even that manages to get put on the back burner because I feel as though I should be dedicating myself to other pursuits, to finding a job, to occupying myself more “productively”. I doubt that much I’ve done lately could be considered as productive though.
I do have to remember that in order to be a writer, one must write. It seems like a simple rule, one that should not be difficult to follow, but sometimes this is my crux.
Maybe it becomes harder to write fiction, especially third-person, because I’ve spent so much time writing in first-person (I have a journal besides this blog, but that’s more for me). Let us hope that motivation will bring productivity and purpose.
That, or I need to start biking in the rain on a regular basis. I’m not certain how I feel about that.